Calm in the Chaos: A Birth Story
One of the most challenging aspects of birth, I find among my clients, is the desire to control it and the inability to do so. With a natural birth, we cannot predict the time, the day, the length of the labor, or any other details of the process.
A recent client of mine has four children – active and talkative – under the age of 12 and her house is bustling and, as she describes it, chaotic. On top of that, her 18 month old, Zachariah, had started awakening suddenly in the middle of the night, throwing temper tantrums, and would only settle down in the arms of his mother.
Meaghan was expecting her fifth child and doing a planned homebirth. How was she going to give birth with her 18 month old pulling at her? She begged God to at least give her peace in labor.
The answer to her prayer was clear. “I suddenly realized that nothing was going to change, but I felt this certainty that, among the chaos, it would be ok.” She told me she had a sudden vivid image of hugging her little boy, kissing his cheek, and calming him, all while working through a contraction.
Despite her insight, Meaghan was overjoyed when she went into labor early in the morning and was able to send the kids to her mother-in-law’s home. The house was quiet. We, the midwives, came over. The equipment was set up. The circumstances were perfect – and seemed under our control.
But, hours passed and the labor did not intensify. Suddenly, it was evening, with the summer sun waning in the sky, the mosquitos coming out of their hiding places. Meaghan was confused and discouraged: her last baby came so fast. And now, it was time to bring the kids back home. The chaos would be returning.
The children entered with a flurry. Had the baby been born? Can I sit with mom on the bed? Do I have to go to sleep? Can I be the one to hold the doppler to listen to the baby? There was nothing for us to do but to roll with their inquisitive energy. The little ones climbed up on my lap to listen to the baby’s heart rate.
To make matters more challenging, Zachariah, the 18 month old, had taken a late nap at grandma’s and, to fulfill every one of Meaghan’s pregnancy fears, could not get to sleep. Jason, Meaghan’s husband, was willing to bring Zachariah to the kids’ bedroom but his cries were audible and Meaghan was distracted and miserable. So, without even remembering her prayer, she took her little boy into bed with her, cradled him in her arm, turned off the light and quietly (even though now her contractions were finally getting intense and frequent) comforted him to sleep. Within 15 minutes, her water broke, and soon after, her baby girl was born.
“It wasn’t a coincidence that Zachariah had that late nap at Grandma’s and was still awake that night,” Meaghan told me later. “I now realize that when I laid with him and he got to cuddle his momma to fall asleep, and I was trying hard to be peaceful so that he would relax, it was at that time that my water broke.” When the house was peaceful, Meaghan’s labor didn’t take hold, but when she needed to be calm among the chaos, her labor progressed rapidly.
We are not always in control of the external – chaos or peace – but we are in control of how we respond to it. And sometimes, diving into the reality, rather than trying to change or resist it, is the most beautiful route to progress and, quite literally, new life.