Mothering the Mother: How Long Does Postpartum Really Last?!
This excerpt is by Zulmarie Torres….
Z z n mz zz z z z z z z …. As I lounged on my recliner, the very recliner I rocked on for weeks after a rare birth complication, I thought to myself “Postpartum lasting 4-6 weeks? Pfft, yeah right.”
By divine intervention, I decided to pick up a book I had just ordered and take advantage of the beautiful silence a napping toddler brings. In the very first chapter, the question “What is this period called the Postpartum, and How Long Does It Really Last?” How. Long. Does it really. Last. …So it wasn’t just me. I wasn’t in some way “broken” or “just not cut out for it.”
As the author herself states. “The word period gives us the comforting—but also misleading—illusion that this postpartum period is neatly finite.”
As I read on it said: “For many women, the six-week mark is the one that stands out—a prescribed time that, we have been led to believe, will serve as a short bridge back to the plateau of “normal life”. Our perceptions are largely shaped and reinforced by a broad and powerful combination of forces: the medical world; the workplace; state and federal legislation regarding family leave policy; insurance carriers… As new mothers, we also receive guidelines from sources outside ourselves about when our bodies will be physically ready to resume exercise, sex, work -whether we feel ready to or not when those days arrive. When it will be all right to separate from our children to return to work. How we should be looking and feeling. The underlying message of all this is simple: Whatever feelings, longings, needs come up during that postpartum period are just self-indulgent, imagined, even “normal”; everyone gets it together in six weeks, and you can, too!”
When I read that, I felt heard and seen.
The author had asked first time mothers to predict postpartum adjustment time. Most said 6 weeks to 3 months. For those who were already new mothers, they circled 3 months minimum. Some chose 6 and 12 months. One new mom circled 12 months or more and wrote “depending on how long you deny your feelings.”
Raven Lang, a midwife quoted that “in 1968, when she first started midwifing, some of them considered postpartum 2 years or even a little longer. As long as the baby is in diapers, you’re up in the night and your breast is being called upon by that person, you’re postpartum.”
In other cultures, there is a 40-day rest period. This is indeed pretty equivalent to the 6-week postpartum period we all hear about. But there is a difference. The difference lies in the way the Mother was nurtured physically, emotionally, and spiritually in traditional practices. Even though different cultures had varied specific practices, they all prioritized women alongside the new mother constantly. There were elders role modeling, guiding, and answering any questions that may have arisen. The house was cleaned, errands taken care of, she was fed, and even sponge bathed. She was mothered herself, so that in turn she could heal her body and mother her baby.
Regardless of our backgrounds, socioeconomic status, ethnicity, race, or age we will all have different experiences and “timelines.” Therefore, I urge all parents, expecting, new, and experienced, to respect each other’s and your own journeys. Do not judge whether one feels ready to visit the salon and go out to dinner in two weeks or two years. Instead of asking someone “when are you going back to work?”, ask when they would like a homemade meal. Please do not compare how you are doing with how someone else is doing. We are all different. We must build the postpartum support system. We can learn a lot by looking at what our ancestors did. Let us each honor our different pregnancy, birth, and postpartum experiences.