Your Inner Circle
I’ll never forget one of the births I attended during my midwifery training in El Paso, Texas. While the mother labored in her bedroom with her sister helping her, the extended family of all ages stoked up a firepit in the backyard, arranged tables and chairs with brightly colored tablecloths, grilled all sorts of aromatic meats and vegetables, and the kids ran around through the tables, playing and laughing throughout the day and then into the desert darkness. When the baby was born, the grandfather, who had been sitting peacefully at the corner of the raucous party, gracefully picked up his cane to navigate the rocky soil to enter and bless the newest member of the family.
This story is an extreme example of one of the greatest benefits of homebirth: surrounding yourself with anyone you want. It can be solitary or social, meditative or festive.
Recently, I had a client who insisted at her first prenatal appointment that her children (4 and 2 years old) be at her birth. I clarified that we, her midwives, preferred that there be a designated caretaker in case the boys needed attention. She assured me that her mother and her sisters would also be there to take care of anything that her children needed. In the following months, she and her sons read childrens’ books on babies being born, watched youtube videos of homebirth, and vocalized together the strange sounds that women - and their mother too - can and could make in labor. When the day came, her four-year-old son ended up sitting quietly next to his mother, massaging her arm throughout her brief labor, and giving her sips of her electrolyte water with a special straw, just as she predicted he would.
Sometimes the bedroom at a homebirth is as still and quiet as an abandoned church. Mammals - yes, we humans are mammals - generally give birth in secluded, private, and dark places. Many women prefer a room with dimmed lights, no music, no talking, and only her partner next to her. And, yet, we are also social creatures, tied to our families and our community. I recently attended a birth in a Springfield apartment with twelve people in the room: the birthing woman and her boyfriend, both their mothers, both their grandmothers, a great grandmother, two aunties, a sister, and two midwives! This energy-filled group did their best to maintain a calm atmosphere during labor (although they were setting up the birthing tub and scurrying around to clean and cook) but when that baby emerged the entire room erupted with shouts of joy.
Beyond grandmothers and children, pets are also welcome at your birth, if you choose. This is not a joke. Again and again, I have been astounded at the intuition and sensitivity of even the most rambunctious of furry creatures, dogs especially. They seem to sense when early labor begins, calmly arrange themselves next to the pregnant mom, and guard and protect her through her process.
As COVID protocols hit hospitals nearly 2 years ago and women were left to do labor and birth alone, many people sought out options where it would be guaranteed that their husbands, partners, doulas, sisters, or mothers could be present with them at their birth. Because of this, homebirth expanded throughout the United States. Thankfully, protocols are less stringent and laboring moms are generally allowed two people - a partner and a support person - with them in the local hospitals, at least for the current moment. But, if you are longing for a larger crowd, or a quieter place, or dimmer lights, or only folks you know well, or a bonfire in your backyard, or a beloved pet, homebirth is always there, as an option.
photo by Jharna Harvey Ahmai